How to Write Pitch Emails that Don’t Suck

About once a week I get an email that usually reads like this:

Dear Anna,

I work for a social media company.  I will claim I met you at some event you registered for, and never attended. I will them blab about how awesome my company is- how it solves world hunger, cures aids, and makes you fart rainbows and smiles faces. I will try to help you understand social media, because obviously you- working for a large brand- knows nothing about it. Because I am so awesome and social media savvy I will educate you for the next four paragraphs with random jargon and cheesy terms like “sexy”, “mega” and “epic”. I will assume you have no social media strategy, no brain, and that you think my email is God’s answer to your many nights of praying & begging for social media intelligence. Not once will I mention how it will work specifically for your business, because obviously whatever I am selling will fulfill every need you have. It’s just so awesome! I will then end this email by splattering random famous social media names and sites, using the words “influence”, “ROI” Or “true measure” no less than 4 times and reiterate how effing awesome I am (exclamation points!!!!!).

New-age email closing phrase,

Company who would like to pitch you.

Really? You think that’s going to make interested in your company, let alone me take the time to respond to you? Hell no! If anything it’s forced me to permanently tattoo your name in the “do not do business with” file folder in my brain. In some cases, the emails I have been so bad I’ve even encouraged others to avoid doing business with them. I’ve seen all kinds of email hot messes. My personal favorite? One company had the nerve to do a mass email to several brands and forgot to BCC the recipients! Fail. Let me tell you how to actually get me to respond.

1.  Don’t lead with your business, lead with you: What your company does is important. Let me tell you what’s more important- that I like you. I have to know then when I call you at 5 pm on Friday with a massive issue that a) you can help b) you won’t be jerkwad supreme about it. And how do I find out if we get along? Meeting you. So, your goal of any first email shouldn’t be going in for the kill, but rather a casual invitation to -what I like to call- a vendor first date. Something away from the office that’s casual, not too private, and I don’t have to slip out the window to get away if it tanks.  Great examples are conference invites, drinks, industry events, etc.  (Note: this list does not include a “webinar”)

2. Do you research: When you write your email, do not send me a form email. YOU WILL NOT GET A RESPONSE. Do you see how I used the caps-lock there? It’s because sh*t’s getting serious here. Form letters are lazy and shows that you weren’t willing to do enough research to write an email that would actually resonate. Furthermore, Social Media is the complete antithesis of a form email. So if you’re trying to sell me on the fact you get social with a form email; I can assume you don’t and move the hell on. See how that works? Is it so effing hard to Google my name and title and learn a little bit about me? It’s not like there’s a shortage of data out there folks.  And if you did your research and found I was tweeting/ blogging about a problem you can solve- that’s a great way to get my attention.

3. Show don’t tell: When you talk about your business, do not tell me I am going to love it. Guess what? That’s my decision. Instead use whatever space you have to talk about your business, to talk about key differentiators. Other companies likely have similar capabilities, but I want you kn0w what makes you shiny and new. Proof is in the pudding; so don’t talk to me if you aren’t going to give me a proper demo. And by demo I do not mean a power point with a couple screen shots of your tool/ software, I mean a real life play space I can mess around with and form an educated opinion about your product. If I can’t test drive the car, I am not buying.

After writing this I can only hope that, maybe just maybe, someone will find this post and actually write me an email that I’ll want to respond to.